10 Weeks Post Partum

It’s Monday and I’m now 10 weeks post partum. Monday is my day at the moment to catch up with things and also have a little down time focussing on my baby girl. My eldest currently goes to nursery 3 days a week and is at home with me the other 4. I love my time with him but it is also busy! 

The first 10 weeks have been full of ups and downs. I’ve definitely coped better this time around. I think having a little knowledge of what to expect goes a long way. I also think that we had already adjusted to a life with children and so it didn’t feel like everything had changed this time. I’ve also been a lot more patient because I know that in time I will be able to do things again like go for a run or a solo dog walk. I absolutely love my kids with everything I have but I do also like a little “me time”. Although it’s still hard, I have the knowledge I will get there and I don’t need to rush. I still need to give myself a talking to now and again and remind myself to be patient! 

I’ve started to do very short workouts at home. I’m following a post partum plan on the Sweat App and adding in some light dumbbell work. I don’t have a lot of time at the moment but manage 15/20 mins on the days my eldest is at nursery. I put N in the playgym and then I do my exercises next to her. Sometimes I don’t make it through a full workout without her needing something and other times I do. I’m learning to be flexible. 

Today has been one of those days where I really want to be super productive but feeds and contact naps are taking priority. I have to be honest and say I struggle a bit with not being productive. I’m managing better than the first time but I do feel down sometimes when I feel I haven’t achieved much. I totally know that this is a slightly toxic way of thinking and something that my upbringing has instilled in me. Every day I’m trying to learn and be kind to myself and enjoy these moments but there is still a voice in my head that says “what have you achieved? What is your purpose?”. 

I’m finding Instagram quite toxic at the moment because I think it’s quite polarised at times in terms of motherhood. Either you need to be totally ok with slowing down and embracing every aspect of motherhood or you need to be 100% “on it” with every aspect of your life. I’m neither. I’m somewhere in the middle I guess or maybe not even. I’m breastfeeding and doing a lot of baby wearing but I also really really appreciate some baby free time and some sort of structure to my day. Finding a balance in all this is difficult. I also know that I want to remember every moment and take it all in but there’s so much pressure to do this that I think you can run the risk of missing it. Learning to just….be…and not compare yourself to  really is the secret.