I have been thinking a lot recently about how my relationship with food and my body has changed and the possible reasons for this. I have had a slightly complex relationship with food and body image in the past. Thankfully I feel in a much better place now and I’ve been reflecting on why that might be the case.
I never learned how to cook as a child. I learned how to microwave food or heat up a pasta sauce from a jar. There were a few things that were made from scratch in our house. Steak pie, macaroni cheese, roast beef, and a tagliatelle pasta dish. The tagliatelle pasta sauce consisted of one tin of Campbells condensed tomato soup and one of mushroom soup mixed together. When I think about that now it makes me feel a little queasy but I loved it at the time.
Sometimes my dad would be a bit adventurous and chop up an onion to add to a shop-bought sauce but generally I don’t remember chopping veg and making proper food.
I vividly remember what used to be in my packed lunch box at school. A sandwich made with Warburtons white bread, butter and slices of Bernard Matthews Turkey. A packet of Safeways salt and vinegar crisps and either a Kit Kat or blue riband chocolate bar. No fruit or veg in sight.
When I went to high school I took a bit more ownership over what I was eating. I was a teenager when magazines such as Closer and Heat would publish pictures of celebrities bodies (predominantly female bodies) and shame them. I took note of this and decided I was “fat”. I started to be more body conscious and restrict what I was eating. This definitely became an obsession for me but that’s not for this post.
During this time I started to make salads and eat fruit but I didn’t really know what I was doing and I didn’t know how to fuel my body properly.
Fast forward a quite few years and I finally moved out after university when I got my first job. This is when I started to learn how to cook and I have to credit slimming world for this. Slimming World has many flaws but I actually think it wasn’t a bad place for me to start my cooking journey. I bought the magazines to get the recipes and I loved the transformation stories. All of a sudden I could easily make a base sauce for pasta or a curry with chopped tomatoes, peppers and spices. It was so easy! I couldn’t believe I had never seen this done at home.
For years I’ve focussed on calories rather than nutrition. Foods have been categorised as “good” and “bad” based upon how many calories they have. It is hard to break that cycle after being so entrenched in this culture.
My life has revolved around being “on” or “off” a diet. There was never a place for normal eating and fueling my body properly.
Over the last few years however, I have noticed a real shift. I don’t count calories, I don’t binge and restrict, I don’t find it hard to eat foods I would class as “good” or “healthy” whereas previously these foods made me feel deprived at times. Equally I don’t often feel guilt when I eat foods I would have categorised as “bad”.
What has changed?
I think my whole perspective has shifted.
My focus used to be on weighing the least I possibly could. Now my focus is on health. Since becoming a mum my health has been such a priority for me (and at times a source of anxiety). I want to be as healthy as I possibly can be for my children. My availability has also changed. I no longer have time to agonise over calories. I need to be able to eat nutritious foods and fuel my body in an efficient way. Counting calories and tracking everything is just not how I want to spend my time. I appreciate if you have a specific fitness goal this may be necessary but it’s just not my focus right now.
I started listening to the Zoe Science and Nutrition podcast whilst on my first maternity leave. It’s full of evidence based advice which I love. I have learned a phenomenal amount from the podcast about nutrition. Since listening to this podcast and getting the “Food for Life” recipe book by Tim Spector I have transformed my diet once again. I can honestly say that this time I haven’t looked back. I’m not “on a diet”. I just choose nutritious foods. I’m also not perfect but I don’t have to be. I can make conscious choices. I now eat a lot of nuts, seeds, fruit/veg, yoghurt, lentils, beans, tofu, dark chocolate, matcha tea and even fermented foods. I started making my own kombucha which has been quite a hit in our house. I do also have UPF foods, takeaways, alcohol etc but these things make up much less of my diet than they used to and to be honest I don’t often want them. Since learning a lot about my gut microbiome and the health benefits of the foods listed above I genuinely enjoy my diet so much more.
I’m also eating a lot less meat. I mentioned this to my husband recently. We used to have meat free Mondays and I’d make a quorn pasta sauce or something similar for dinner. We felt deprived when we did this. Since getting some good cook books like the “food for life” book and “quick wins” by Ella Mills I honestly don’t miss meat. I realised this week I had gone for several days without any meat and I hadn’t noticed. It wasn’t a conscious decision to avoid it. I just picked a few recipes from the above books and that was that.
My life and worth is no longer controlled by the number on the scale. My focus is on health span, wellness and being there for my children. I want to set an example for them and ensure they grow up with the ability to cook and build nutritious meals.
It feels so freeing to step off the “yo-yo diet” conveyor belt and finally take care of my body.
