Unsettled

 Today has been a tough one. N has been really unsettled. I’m not sure what has been wrong. We had a heatwave today so I guess that could have contributed but she really wasn’t in the sun at all and has just had a vest on to keep her cool. Her brother has had a fever and cough over the last few days so I’m really hoping she hasn’t caught that but it’s highly likely! 

I’ve generally been feeling a bit down today and struggling with things which hasn’t helped. I spoke to my husband about it though and I do feel better after saying how I feel. He does so much for us around the house and especially with our toddler. I do most of the “newborn stuff”. I’ve been feeling a bit “touched out” though today and like I’m struggling with doing all the overnight feeds. (I’m breastfeeding so this is my choice). However, I think we have got into the habit of assuming I will always tend to our youngest. I don’t want to do any less, I absolutely adore her, but I think I’m looking for a little more acknowledgement of what I’m handling and also for some more help particularly on the days our eldest is at nursery and we are both around. He took this on board and we had a good discussion. I think he’s feeling stressed because he often can’t settle our youngest at the moment and so it was good to have an open discussion about this and understand how we both feel. I think it’s important for me to remember that we are both handling things and we are both working hard and tired. At the end of the day we are a good team and work through things really well together. I’m so grateful for that. I’m so lucky we can easily tell each other how we feel and have a calm conversation about it. That’s not what I witnessed at home when I was a child and I’m really grateful we can set a good example for our kids. 

After our discussion we managed to enjoy the lovely weather and get a few things done around the house. The evening ended up quite chaotic because N was so unsettled. She’s finally sleeping in my arms as I type this and I’m honestly not sure when I’ll be brave enough to try and change position or put her down. I find it really difficult to cosleep, it just doesn’t work for us so I’ll be sat up for a while before I attempt a transfer. It’s already 0040 so I know I’m going to be struggling tomorrow. I’m mostly just glad she is calm and no longer upset. It breaks my heart so see her so upset like that. 

Fingers crossed that’s the worst of it over for now.